Regrets
by fallen
Summary: [ y/s, shounen-ai ] Yuki....angsting? Yuki regrets that he never had a chance to say the words that desperately needed to be said.


Author: Amanda [ fallen ]

Pairing: Yuki/Shuichi

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of it's characters, although I wish I did...

Note: This fic involves male to male relationships. Although, if you're in the Gravi section you should know that...

Uhh....I was in a weird mood when I wrote this, so please don't yell at me.

Please read and review, tell me what you think! Thanks. ^^

  
  


Now he was gone. Now his arms ached with the emptiness, ached for Shuichi. But Shuichi was never coming back.

"I was wrong about you. Always calling you baka...putting you down. In the end..it's me who's the baka." Yuki broke off, then continued.

"You tried to change me. I thought you would never succeed. But you have in one way. You taught a heart that's been so bruised and frozen to love again. And now...."

He drew in a deep breath and began.

" I remember the day you told me you loved me. I remember wanting to say the words back, but I couldn't. Because then it would have been real. I wasn't sure if I was ready to say it. I didn't even know what I was feeling. But I do now.

It's love. 

Always has been love."

  
  


"When you first said the words to me I didn't understand. I couldn't possibly understand how you someone so full of life could love me. Cold calm and detached. Those were supposed to be the only words to describe me. But you wouldn't fall for it. Somehow you managed to slip past my harsh words and mocking taunts and into my heart. You wouldn't take no for an answer. You made me tell you everything until I broke down, and you held me while I cried. Who's going to hold me now?"

"I had thought I would never feel anything again since that day 6 years ago. I was wrong.

I was standing waiting to cross the street when I saw you waving to me. In your haste to get to me, you didn't even notice the light change from green to red. Neither did I. I was too busy trying to pretend I didn't know you. God...if only I had- but no. It's too late for anything now. Because we both saw the car swerve around the corner. You crumpled against the hood of the car. The blood...it was everywhere. I remember running across the street in the rain and cradling your head in my lap. You were so silent, so still. I thought I had lost you already. Then your hand tightened around mine. Your eyes fluttered open and you smiled at me. I had kissed your lips, a bittersweet kiss, the last one we would ever share. It tasted of the salt from my tears. When I pulled away you were gone. This pale, empty shell..it couldn't be you. I couldn't stay there. I couldn't stand seeing you so devoid of life. Couldn't stand seeing the sympathy in the ambulance workers eyes as he told me what I already knew, that you were gone. 

  
  


I was a few blocks away when the awful truth hit me. It was my fault you were dead. If I hadn't been there, you wouldn't have been so eager to cross the street. You would have seen the car and avoided it. I couldn't support my own weight. I remember lying crumpled on the ground. The rain plastered my hair to my forehead. And there I was, Yuki Eiri, famous author, collapsed on the sidewalk sobbing and not giving a damn about who saw me. I hated myself. Still do hate myself. I have nothing to live for now. I don't even know why I go on. Well, actually that's a lie. If I don't go on, who will remember you the way I do? Who would remember your kisses, your caresses, the lightness of your touch? I admitted to you once that I was afraid if I let you in I would loose you. And I was right. So the story of my life prevails. Everyone I touch, anyone I get close to, I betray. Which is why no one will ever get close to me again."

  
  


Yuki's eyes were damp as he looked at the cool grey tombstone. "Now that I can finally say the words back to you, you're gone."

"I love you Shuichi. Know this." He found he could not go on. Yuki Eiri wrapped his arms around the tombstone and wept. Shuichi was gone. Nothing would ever be the same again. 


End file.
